Whenever arranged marriages are portrayed in tv shows and movies, it’s the same scenario. A child is forced by their parents, usually the father, to marry a person they hardly know. At some point in the movie the child “falls in love” with someone else and the two live “happily ever after”.

Many who watch this common plot pushed upon us in America and come to the conclusion that arranged marriages of any form are bad, unfair, and cruel. They conclude that true happiness will come when we find someone who we “truly love” and choose for ourselves rather than a person our parents picked…but is that what we see?

For several years now we have seen people choosing their partners, despite even the warning from their family, and for many, the result has not been a fairy tale ending but quite the opposite. With the practice of arranged marriages, this problem will become nonexistent. Let me explain how.

FIND A BETTER MATCH

Parents or older family members have lived longer and seen more than their children. Therefore, because of their life experience, they tend to be better at deciding which person are a fit for their daughter or son and which would not.

When experienced family members search for a suitable spouse, their chances at finding a husband or daughter for their youth will be higher than allowing the youth to search alone with no previous life experience in that area.

SIMILAR CULTURAL PRACTICES

Another benefit of arranged marriages is that partners often have very similar culture backgrounds and values.

Most of the time, parents choose partners for their children that have similar cultural values so that they will also be a better fit within the family.

The common values also make it more likely that the marriage works out due to there being fewer conflicts between the partners in the distant future.

RATIONAL VS EMOTIONAL DECISION MAKING

Generally arranged marriages often come from a rational point of view and rather than an emotional one. This doesn’t mean that emotions shouldn’t play a part but when it comes to something life changing as marriage, it would wise to not let emotions be the main guiding force behind one’s choice of a spouse.

Another thing about rational decisions in choosing a spouse is that you are getting different aspects from multiple people which makes you see from a more objective standpoint and also all the dangers can be evaluated more thoroughly.

Therefore, because of this, arranged marriages lead to better decisions and to a overall better quality of life for the husband and wife compared to marriages that are based on emotions rather than facts.

FAMILY CONNECTIONS

Another upside of arranged marriages is that the connection between different families can be significantly strengthened.

In many cultures, the connections between families are very important in all areas of life. Therefore good connections to family members may also be beneficial when it comes to future career possibilities.

SIMILAR ETHICS

As Israelites, our ethics of right and wrong, good and evil come from the laws of The Most High. Arranged marriages also make it likely that people involved will have the same ethics since they often come from similar cultural backgrounds, which would be Israelite in nature, and have been taught the same things when they were young.

Due to those similar ethical perspectives, the chances for a marriage that works out in the long run will be greater than two people who have to different standards of ethics.

NO BAGGAGE FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS 

Another advantage of arranged marriages is that people can also avoid the toxic baggage of past relationships. We all have experienced or know someone who have experienced passed relationships that have left them hurt and heartbroken. Most of the time people will carry those passed hurts into new relationships which creates a never ending cycle of failed relationships.

Yet, through arranged marriages, this problem will be nonexistent or extremely rare. Since the family is choosing the son or daughter’s first spouse, there will not be a chance for the child to experience past hurts in “dating” and therefore they will be joined to their future wife/husband with a clean slate. With the lack of baggage, they will be able to enjoy a healthy relationship knowing that their spouse was vetted carefully out of love for them.

With all these benefits that come with arranged marriage, this is something that the Israelite community should indeed consider practicing again. Even if you are an adult, arranged marriages can still be practiced within Israelite gatherings by spiritual leadership.

There is something to be said about a practice that has been around for as long as humans have and still exist in many parts of the world today. That is a sign that this practice actually contributes to society in a positive way.